Head Girl
by PurpleDragonFlower
Summary: It's Lily Evans's seventh year at Hogwarts. This year things are about to change, big time.    Sorry, I suck at summaries"/ Jus read and decide for yourself if you want to continue?
1. Chapter 1

**Head Girl**

_Disclaimer: As you probably know, I do not own Harry Potter, any of the names or places or anything. Anything you recognise from any of the books is not mine and I have not made any money from this. This is just for fun. But everyone already knows that so just go on and read the story! :) _

Chapter 1 _Head Boy_

Lily Evans looked up at the magical ceiling. It was like looking right up at the clear night sky. there was the moon already and tiny stars sprinkled across the deep blue skye. It was breath taking. And in that moment, as Lily admired the wonderful works of magic, she realised that this was the last time she would ever return to this place. She would never return to Hogwarts ever again, not as a student anyway. This was her absolute last welcome-dinner in The Great Hall. Her last song from the Sorting Hat.

Somehow Lily had managed to ignore this fact all summer. but now it was inevitable. Lily Evans, seventeen going on eighteen and entering her seventh year at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. A mix of feelings filled Lily. She was excited and thrilled and scared and sad and everything. She looked around at the people around her at the table. They were all eating like there was no tomorrow.

There was James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. It seemed that if you were friends with James the rest of them came as a package deal.

Remus Lupin was the only one that Lily knew from before, he was a prefect as well. She actually quite liked him. He was not as loud and obnoxious as James and Sirius. He was calm and cared a lot about his studies, he was a good boy. But he looked awful. He looked several years older than seventeen, his dark blond hair looked lifeless and dull and his face looked worn and he had dark rings under his eyes. It wasn't always this bad, he looked better somedays and then worse others. Lily wondered what could have happened that was so hard on him. She had noticed that he went away from school every now and then. He had a sick mother, James said, but there was something about him every time he said it that made Lily think that it was something else. She didn't want to ask Remus, feeling that she might intrude on his personal life.

Susan Holmes was there too, of course. She was Lily's best friend in the whole wide world and she had been since the first day of school. Susan and Severus. But Severus Snape was not here. No, he was at the Slytherin table. Lily hadn't spoken to him for ages, not since their fifth year.

"Hey, Lils", said James and put a hand on Lily's arm. She looked at him.

"James?" She said and moved her hand from the table to her lap.

"You're not touching your food, something wrong?"

Lily looked down at her full plate. He was right, she hadn't eaten anything yet. She smiled.

"I'm just a little overwhelmed", she said and put her fork into a piece of chicken. "Do you guys realise that this is our last year here?"

"Yeah", said Susan, "It's crazy." She ran her fingers through her hair. Susan's hair was very much like Lily's, long, thick and with big, soft curls, it was just that Susan's was dark brown and Lily's dark red. Lily saw Peter Pettigrew looking wistfully at Susan. His eyes followed her as she leaned forward and started eating again, they seemed far too small for his chubby face.

"NEWT-year", muttered Sirius. "As if it wasn't enough with the OWL's."

OWL, it stood for _Ordinary Wizard Level Examination. _It was a hell all students had to go through at the end of fifth year. The results from those tests could determine which classes you were allowed to take next year. Of course Lily did good, after all her studying. But Susan didn't make it in herbology and now she wouldn't be able to be a healer, like she wanted to.

So that was OWL's, NEWT's were practically the same thing but harder and you took your grades out in the real world and not school. Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests, that's what everybody said it meant and even though it probably was true, Lily didn't think that's what they were actually called.

Lily turned her attention to her food again, but James kept looking at her. She started to feel a bit awkward and turned to him again.

"Yes?" she said. James's face turned into a goofy smile.

"You look pretty tonight", he said. He ran his hand through his already messy black hair that never seemed to lay flat on his head. Lily rolled her eyes, he had tried this a million times before. She already knew what he would say next. "Will you go out with me?" And she was right.

Sirius chuckled, Peter looked at her hopefully and Remus and Susan acted as if they hadn't heard anything, even though they sat right there. Lily sighed.

"No, James", she said. James made a sad face and tilted his head to the side.

"Why not? Come on, please?"

Lily shook her head.

"I thought you said that if I went out with you once, you wouldn't bother me again."

Lily had gone out on a date with James last year. That was just one time, those other times did not count as dates. Lily would swear to Merlin that she had no interest what so ever in James Potter. He was just a boy who was a friend, not a boyfriend. Definitely not a boyfriend.

"Yeah", said James, "But we're friends now."

"Yes!" said Lily, "Friends, exactly. That's the word, James." She ate a bite of her chicken. When would he give up?

"But we could be more", said James stubbornly. "We are more, we kissed."

Sirius laughed out loud, Peter's eyes widened, Remus raised an eyebrow and Susan choked on her pumpkin juice.

"What?" she said. "Lily, why haven't you told me this?" she sounded slightly hurt.

"Way to go, Prongs!" said Sirius and grinned.

"Really?" said Peter surprised.

Lily clinched her teeth and turned slowly to James.

"That was not a kiss", she muttered. James looked at her with raised eyebrows. "It was barely more than a peck!" she said, "That was it!"

"According to James it was a little bit more", said Sirius who still had that annoying grin on his face.

"Well it wasn't", said Lily.

"But your lips touched?" asked Susan who still couldn't believe that her best friend hadn't told her this.

"Yes!" said James. "And you enjoyed it, admit!" he pointed with his fork at Lily.

"There was nothing to enjoy", said Lily and shrugged her shoulders, "it didn't even last for a second. It was over before it started."

James's eyes narrowed.

"I'm a great kisser", he muttered.

"Yeah", agreed Peter. Everyone fell silent and looked at him.

"And you know this because...?" said Sirius. Peter's face turned red.

"I mean, I bet he is..." he mumbled, embarrassed.

"I am!" said James, as if he felt that he had to clarify that point.

"Oh, could your ego be any bigger?" said Susan.

"Well, actually", James smiled mysteriously. Lily frowned and watched James as he took something out of his pocket.

"No way!" she outburst when she saw what is was. James nodded.

"It looks like we have something in common", he said and held up the gold and red badge. It was the exact same badge that Lily wore on the front of her robes, except his said _Head boy_ and hers said _Head girl_.

Two seventh years were selected to be Head boy or girl every year, usually the prefects were picked.

Lily stared at Remus.

"Is he kidding me?" she asked, hoping that Remus's face would crack up into a slime and say that of course he was. "Why didn't you get it?"

Remus shook his head.

"Believe me", he said, "I'm just as surprised as you are."

James smiled and looked very pleased with himself.

"So, what do you say, Lily?" he said. "Wanna go up and use the prefects bathroom?"

"Ew, no!"

Lily shook her head. This was not happening. No way. She dug into her food and tried to say as little as possible to James through out the rest of the dinner.

Later that night they all went up to the Gryffindor tower.

"Good night, then", said James and hugged Lily. He went in for the kiss on the cheek, but she pulled away. James smiled. "Sweet dreams." Lily just rolled her eyes.

"Good night", she said and turned to Susan.

As soon as they reached the stairs to the girls dormitory and the boys were out of earshot, Susan said:

"Why don't you just go out with him, Lily?"

Lily sighed. James had managed to get everyone convinced that he and Lily should be together. Everybody except for Lily that was. Even Susan, who Lily had thought would stick with her was now just as annoying as the rest of them.

"Because", said Lily, "I do not like him that way."

Susan snorted.

"Sure you do, you just don't know it yet."

Their things had already been carried up to the dorms and the beds were neatly made by house-elves. Lily sat down and opened her trunk to look for her pyjamas.

"Come on, Lils", said Susan and followed her example. "Give the boy a chance."

"No", said Lily shortly.

"He's charming, good-looking, funny..." said Susan.

"Annoying, inappropriate, arrogant..." continued Lily.

"He's great at quidditch..."

"He's got bad grades..."

Susan shook her head.

"You'll come around soon enough", she said. "The two of you will be ruling the school this year, with those badges of yours."

"That's what you think", muttered Lily before climbing into her bed and pulling the curtains. Susan muttered something back but Lily didn't listen.

As she tried to go to sleep, she couldn't keep James out of her thoughts. Susan had made it impossible for Lily not to think about him. There was no point in denying that he was pretty good-looking. He had those beautiful hazel eyes and that messy black hair, it would never have the same class and elegance that Sirius's had, even if he let it grow as long, but it was kind of cute. And yes, James had a nice quidditch body too. He was chaser and captain of the team. He looked good. But Lily did not like him that way, she kept telling herself that as she thought of him. She thought of him as a friend and nothing more, period.

She thought back to that Valentine's Day last year. Her first and only date with James. He had asked her out probably a hundred times and he said that if she just went out with him one time, just once, he wouldn't bother her again. Well that's a promise he failed to keep.

So she had accepted. On Valentine's Day she went to Hogsmeade with James. He took her to The Three Broomsticks and who'd guessed that James Potter could be such a gentleman? It was all very romantic and that is why he got that peck on the lips - that did _not _count as a kiss - before they parted.

Lily fell asleep with a smile on her face and dreamt of a very charming black-haired, hazel-eyed young wizard...

**A/N: Well, there you have the first chapter of Head Girl:) What did you think? Review and tell me! See you soon (I hope)^^**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 "Pure Blood"

Lily sat by the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall with her friends, they were having breakfast. They were two weeks into the school year and they were starting to get settled in with the routines. But this morning something happened that wasn't usually part of the normal morning routine.

Susan suddenly cried out and Lily looked at her. Susan had always been a very happy girl. She was known for her ability to look on the bright side of everything and there wasn't many things that bothered her. Susan was not easily scared. But her face right now reflected everything but calm and happiness. She looked scared and her mouth was opened as if she had forgotten to close it. In her hands she held a completely innocent looking letter.

"Susie, what's wrong?" Asked Lily and gave her friend a concerned look. Remus looked up from his breakfast and glanced at Susan as well, frowning.

"It-" Susan shook her head slowly and moved her eyes from the letter to Lily's face. "It's my grandmother", she said and tears welled up in her eyes. "She's gone, she was taken from her house three nights ago." She sobbed and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

Both James and Sirius frowned and looked at Susan.

"By who?" asked Peter surprised.

Susan hid her face in her hands and sobbed. Lily patted her comforting on the back.

"They call themselves Death Eaters", choked Susan.

"But who are they?" Asked Peter. He wasn't exactly the brightest student at Hogwarts.

"Some sort of organisation, they're all about the Dark Arts from what I've heard", said Remus in a low, unhappy voice. "They believe in the same thing as Salazar Slytherin."

"And what is that?" Asked Peter who was now starting to sound frustrated.

James gave Susan a sad look, feeling sorry for her.

"Pure blood", he answered.

Lily hugged Susan's shoulders. She cried so much that her whole body war shaking.

Pure blood, meaning you had only wizards in your family. Old, rich wizard families liked to say they were of pure blood, they were often sorted in the Slytherin house and were known for being snobbish and rude. James was of so called _pure blood, _but his family was one of the few who didn't care about blood status. They were just like anybody else, the only thing that they had in common with the rude snobbish families was the money. The Potters were nice, unlike the Blacks.

Sirius's family were all rude, selfish and oh so snobbish. The whole family had been sorted into Slytherin for generations. Every single one except for Sirius. If you asked him they were all just a bunch of stuck-up idiots.

Susan had both muggles and wizards in her family, so therefore she was not of pure blood.

Lily on the other hand did not have any wizards or witches in her family, just muggles, not even her sister had any magical abilities. That made Lily a so called muggleborn or as some Slytherins called it _mudblood. _Mudblood was the worst and most insulting word you could use for someone with non-magical parents. Lily had only been called that by one person in her life.

After leaving the devastated Susan with madam Pomfrey in the hospital wing so that she could calm down and skip class, Lily followed the boys down to the dungeons. They were all a little shook up from what just happened. Lily had heard of these _Death Eaters _before. She had read about them in the paper. She wondered how many of them there were... And what horrible things they could do to old Mrs Holmes.

"Do you think she's going to be OK?" asked Peter and stared down at the floor. It was obvious that he was talking about Susan's grandmother.

"No", said Sirius shortly. The others remained silence, but they all knew the awful truth. Sirius was right. Susan knew that too.

Someone roughly made his way past them and bumped his shoulder hard into James as he did, causing him to collide with the stone wall.

"Hey!" said James annoyed and looked around to see who it was. A tall, skinny boy with shoulder length, black, greasy hair. Severus Snape.

Sirius instinctively reached into his robes for his wand.

"What do you say, Snivellus?" he called to Severus.

James and Sirius had bullied Severus since their first year of school. They were everything that Severus wasn't. Popular, quidditch players and good-looking. Why they tortured Severus, Lily didn't know. But no matter why, they had made his life a hell for seven years. Lily had despised them for it. James and his friends were rich little creeps in her eyes, that was until about a year ago. Lily was no longer friends with Severus and James bullied him less and less as time went by. Sirius on the other hand was a bit worse.

"What do you say when you push someone like that?"

Severus spun around. The two boys had their wands aimed directly to the other one's chest. Severus looked like he was ready to kill. James looked from Sirius's to Severus and then finally to Lily. She looked at Severus, but he avoided her eyes carefully. It hurt to see him like that.

"Let's just leave him alone", muttered James. Lily held her breath, waiting for Sirius's response. Lily had a good idea of why James was suddenly defending Severus, normally he never told Sirius not to do something. But he knew exactly what Lily thought of bullying.

Sirius stared at James with raised eyebrows, then he followed James's eyes and understanding settled over his face.

"Oh", he said and lowered his wand. "Run along then, _Snivellus_." Severus's eyes met Lily's for a brief second, then he looked away quickly and walked off.

Lily sighed and continued down to the potions classroom with the others.

"She's got you wrapped around her little finger", said Sirius as they went and joke-punched James. Lily gave him a warning look and James just shook him off with a sigh. The mood of the group was really down now, this was not the time for jokes.

Professor Slughorn came down the hall. He on the other hand seemed very cheerful today.

"Hello, dear students!" he sang and opened the classroom door. Slughorn was a rather fat man with yellow hair and a big walrus-moustache. "Good morning, Miss Evans", he said when Lily passed him on her way in.

"Good morning, Professor", she mumbled back. Professor Slughorn was the kind of teacher that had favourite students. Lily was one of them, she was very good in potions and had gotten an Outstanding in her OWL exam. So in normal cases potions class was OK, but today she just couldn't wait to get out of there.

Sirius struggled all day to lighten up the mood and by dinner they all felt a little better. Susan was back. She was a little less talkative than usual, but other than that she was fine. Lily poked around in her food, she didn't feel much for eating. She was tired, so tired that she felt like falling asleep on the table. This had been the most exhausting day so far this year.

**A/N: With this chapter I got a lot of help from my dear friend Amanda (BritishMenHaveHotAccents) so thank you, Amanda. Remember to check out her stories! Bye for now^^) And thank you Louise for helping me too. (NeuroticNerd) she likes slash. ( Oh yeah!/Louise)**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 "Knock Out"

Lily came down from her dorm and into the common room. People were on their way to the Great Hall for breakfast and it was obvious that something was going on. The Gryffindor students were all dressed in their house colours, red and gold. Scarfs, hats, shirts, flags, banners... Pretty much everything. Lily sat down on the edge of one of the armchairs to wait for Susan to come down.

Today was the first quidditch match of the year, Gryffindor verses Slytherin. The whole school was excited.

"Good morning, Lily Love!" said James and hugged her from behind. He put his head on her shoulder and stared at her with something crazy in his hazel eyes. Lily had to laugh at how stupid he looked. James got _very _excited for the quidditch games and it had only gotten worse since he became captain of the team.

He jumped up and started walking in a circle around Lily, he just couldn't be still any longer. He was wearing full quidditch gear, the game would begin in just barely two hours.

"Nervous, are we?" said Lily and smirked.

"You bet!" said Sirius who came sprinting down the stairs with a Gryffindor flag over his shoulders like a cape and red warpaint on his face. "What kind of supporter are you supposed to be?" he pointed at Lily and gave her a silly-angry look.

Lily sighed.

"I'm just going to watch the game", she said. Lily didn't bother to dress up like most others.

Remus and Peter came down the stairs, Peter with the same warpaint as Sirius and Remus looking perfectly normal. Sirius gave him a dissatisfied look and shook his head. Soon Susan joined them and they could all go down for breakfast.

"I still remember our first year here", said Sirius with his moth full of toast. "When we were just little brats." He gestured towards him and James.

"_Were?" _said Lily and raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah", said Sirius and continued, "and you were just this annoying guy that hung after us", he nodded towards Peter. "And Remus always walked around with his nose in a book."

"He still does!" said James and gave the reading Remus a meaning look. Remus chuckled.

Sirius turned to Lily and Susan.

"You were this chubby brunette who-"

"Hey!" Susan put down her glass of juice with a thud. "Who are you calling chubby?"

Sirius threw his hands in the air.

"When you were eleven, now you're... Er... Curvy! You're curvy and there's nothing wrong with that!"

"Nice save", muttered Susan. Sirius chuckled.

"You were this _curvy _brunette who hung around with that know-it-all redhead", he said and nodded at Lily.

"Well, it seems like we haven't changed much over the last seven years then", said Lily and shook her head. Sirius grinned.

About an hour and a half later the whole school was gathered around the quidditch pitch, cheering and screaming for the players. Even if Lily didn't seem like that kind of person, she actually quite enjoyed watching quidditch games. Especially when Gryffindor was playing. After a while she was quite into it and was cheering just as much as everybody else, if not more. Slytherin hit one of Gryffindor's players with a bludger and there was a furious roar from the crowd dressed in red and gold. The seeker wiped his bloody nose on her sleeve and kept looking for the golden snitch.

It turned out to be a long and hard match. After more than an hour of playing the Gryffindor team was leading with exactly 150 points, if Slytherin caught the snitch the match would end in a draw. Their seeker made a sharp turn and then dived towards the ground, he had spotted something. Lily thought it was over, but just before the judge blew the match off, James scored ten points for the Gryffindor team.

There was a moment of confusion before the Slytherin seeker realised that he had caught the snitch a moment too soon and that Gryffindor had won.

Lily stood up with the rest of the crowd and cheered and clapped her hands so hard that it hurt in her palms. Then something happened. The defeated Slytherins were furious. One of their beaters who had seen the whole thing happen, how James stole the game from them in the last second, smashed a bludger towards him. It all went so fast. One second James was on his broom with his arms in the air and the next he was darting towards the ground, unconscious.

"James!" Lily shrieked when she saw him falling from two hundred feet. Her heart stopped. _"James!" _

Lily pushed past people who were walking slowly towards the castle, laughing, smiling and talking about the game. Even Sirius was as cool as a cucumber. "He'll be fine", he said with a shrug.

Lily hurried to the hospital wing.

"How is James?" she asked when she ran into madam Pomfrey in the doorway. It turned out Sirius was right.

"He'll be as good as new in the morning, some rest will do him good."

Lily relaxed and sighed in relief.

"Thank you", she said and walked in. James was the only one in the hospital wing for the moment. He had his left arm and head in a bandage and looked pretty worn out, but it was nothing worse than that. When being raised in a family of muggles it was easy to forget how much a wand could heal. Lily sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Hi there", said James in a low voice and turned slowly towards her. "Nice of you to stop by."

Lily smiled.

"I had to make sure you weren't dead or something", she said, "are you in pain?"

James gave a crooked smile.

"No I'm fine, thanks."

There was a bit of an awkward silence. Lily wasn't sure if she was supposed to leave now or stay. James didn't let her go with his eyes.

"Well, congratulations on your victory I guess", she said.

"So we won then?" asked James. Lily nodded. A big grin spread across James' face. "My so called best friend hasn't bothered to come here and tell me", he said and glanced at the door.

"He said he'd wait until I was done here", said Lily. James looked at her again.

"I have to say I'm happy that you were worried about me", said James and leaned a little closer.

"Well, I guess I do care about you a little then", said Lily.

"I know you do."

Lily didn't realise that she was moving towards James too until he closed his eyes and got way too close. She put a hand on his chest and gently pushed him back, she could feel his heart beating hard.

"Why did you do that?" he asked. Lily took her hand away.

"Madam Pomfrey said you were to take it easy", she said. James fell back on his pillows with a deep sigh.

"You know, I don't get you, Lily Evans", he said. She raised an eyebrow. There was a new emotion to his eyes. Anger. "One minute you don't like me, then you think I'm OK, then I'm bad again and all the sudden you are leaning in to kiss me, just so that you can push me away again. I can never know where you stand, you just keep moving around. Can you please stop playing games with me?"

Lily stared at him. She couldn't believe what she was actually hearing.

"What _games_?" she said. "I'm not playing any games. I don't like you that way, why can't you just get that?"

"Yes you are and you do, you just won't admit it! I don't know if you find it amusing to put me down and make me feel like an idiot and humiliated all the time or whatever it is, just stop it because I'm really sick of it! I've been going after you since I was fourteen!"

"I know!" Lily snapped. "I'm not going to admit anything that's not true! It's not my problem you're so thick that nothing ever gets through to you! You're just going after me because you can! Because everybody wants you! Everybody likes you! You don't even know the word humiliation, because nothing could ever bother you! You're the You think you're so cool, but really you're just an obnoxious little brat! You're the one playing games!" Lily stood up and stormed out of the room.

"No!" James called after her but she ignored him.

"Whoa!" said Sirius as she marched past him on her way out of the hospital wing. "What went on in there?"

"Nothing", Lily growled through clenched teeth. Sirius looked after her with raised eyebrows.

"Lily?" asked Susan when Lily came storming into their dorm and slammed the door shut after her. She took up a piece of parchment and furiously started tearing up and throwing the pieces on the floor.

"Stupid, annoying, selfish ignorant little _shit_!"

Susan chuckled and looked curious.

"Who are you talking about?"

Lily looked up, an angry gleam in her emerald eyes.

"James _accuses _me of playing games! Says I turn him down just for the fun of it and- argh! As if I would ever do something like that! Why would I be playing games? It's so stupid!" Lily crashed down on her bed. Susan looked at her, suddenly serious.

"Well aren't you?" she asked in a careful voice. Lily sat straight up and stared at her friend.

"What do you mean?" she snapped. "Aren't I what?"

Susan shrugged.

"It's just that he's always around and you give him these looks... And you talk about him and can't seem to get him off your mind. But every time he tries to get any closer to you, you just push away..."

"What looks? What are you suggesting? That he's right? Do you agree with James?" Lily was seriously loosing her temper now.

"Oh, forget it", said Susan and rolled her eyes, "forget I ever said anything. You go on pretending, that's fine."

"Argh!" Lily stood up. "That is not fine", she said and pointed at Susan. "I thought you were my best friend!" She walked out, slamming the door behind her.

"Don't be so dramatic!" Called Susan after her. "And immature!" she added as Lily stomped her way down the stairs.

"Lily!" Sirius called just a second later. Lily clenched her fists and turned around slowly.

"Why can't everybody just leave me, ALONE!" she yelled. She was even surprised herself for doing that, normally she never screamed at people just for calling her name.

"Jeez!" said Sirius. Lily sank down in one of the armchairs by the fireplace with one hand over her face.

"I'm sorry", she mumbled. "What is it?"

"What did you say to James?" Sirius asked and sat down in the armchair beside her. Lily glanced at him through her fingers. He looked way too serious to be Sirius. She closed her eyes.

"Nothing", she grunted and sank deeper into the armchair.

"Well, you must've said something", said Sirius and leaned back too. "Because he's really upset about something."

Lily frowned. Upset? Like _really_ _upset _or sulky because she turned him down again?

"Why can't you just ask him?" she said. Sirius shrugged.

"He won't tell me, that's the thing! This has never happened before! Seriously."

"I didn't say anything he didn't deserve", Lily muttered.

"I just can't wrap my head around you two sometimes", Sirius sighed.

Later, when Lily was getting ready to go to bed, Susan came up to her.

"Hey, Lils", she said. Lily turned her head and looked at Susan with tired eyes. "I'm sorry." Susan continued. "I was unfair. If you're saying that you don't like James, you don't. And you're not immature, I didn't mean I'm sorry."

Susan looked honestly sorry and Lily wasn't even mad at her anymore. Sometimes it's annoying when someone knows you better than you want them to. She shook her head.

"It's OK", she said, "don't worry about it. Lily sat down on her bed. "The truth is", she said, "I don't know how I feel about James." Susan smiled a little and Lily couldn't resist smiling back. "I just keep changing my mind... and _he _keeps changing."

**A/N: OK, so chapter 3... Drama, drama, drama. It's so typically me, I love writing about people fighting:) Anyway, tell me what you think of the story so far! Review!^^ And I will start working on chapter 4;)**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 "In the Dark of Night"

It was friday and late afternoon, Lily and her classmates sat in the Transfiguration classroom. The weekend was just a few minutes away. As the bell rang and the students stood up and gathered their things, Professor McGonagall cleared her throat.

"Miss Evans and Mr Potter, you're on night-patrol tonight", she said, "And you too, Mr Lupin. Come to my office at nine thirty."

Lily threw a glance at James. He didn't look back. With his eyes stubbornly fixed on the floor he took his bag and walked out. Lily told herself in her head that she didn't care. It did not bother her that she hadn't spoken to James since the day of the quidditch game, almost a week ago. No, she didn't miss him at all, the silence was nice and allowed her to concentrate on her studies. Perfect.

It was just that it might get a bit awkward tonight, as they were supposed to patrol the castle together, alone, in the middle of the night. But there was still a couple of hours left, no need to worry.

Lily sat with Susan at dinner. She had to admit that she had quite gotten used to eating with James and his gang. The silence was a bit too noticeable. It was not that Lily didn't talk to Susan, no, but something was kind of missing.

Lily sat by the warm fireplace, reading a thick book about very complicated spells with a frown on her forehead.

"Lily", said a voice above her head, it was Remus, "Are you coming?"

It was one of those days when Remus looked much, much older than seventeen. He looked so worn and ill that you would think that he should be lying in a bed in the hospital wing. Lily wondered for the hundredth time what was the matter with him. Behind Remus stood a sulky James, he still refused to look at Lily.

She threw a glance at the watch, almost nine thirty.

"Sure", she muttered and got on her feet. The heavy book fell on the floor with a thud, Lily didn't care to pick it up.

"Good", said Professor McGonagall as the three of them entered her office, "Now that you're all here." There was already six other students in the room, the seventh year prefects from the other houses.

Professor McGonagall handed out maps of the castle and explained who would be going where, they were to patrol in groups of two or three. Lily sighed when she saw that she would start off with Remus and then switch to James after half the time. The Head Boy and Girl's shift was the longest, obviously.

Lily walked down an empty hallway with Remus, feeling fairly awkward. Their steps echoed in the quiet castle. Hogwarts felt like a different place at night. Lily glanced around. The high windows gave a great view of the grounds and the clear night sky.

"The moon looks beautiful tonight", said Lily, desperate to brake the silence. Remus looked out the window too and scowled. Lily didn't know why. "It can't be more that a few days till full moon", she murmured. Remus turned his gaze to the floor.

"Yeah."

Lily looked at him from the side. He looked really miserable.

"Are you OK?", she asked. Remus forced a tense smile.

"I'm fine, thank you. A bit tired maybe", he added to Lily's sceptical face. She decided to let it go. He obviously didn't want to tell her.

"What's up with you then?" said Remus after a while, "fighting with James I hear."

"Did he talk to you about that?" asked Lily.

"Not much. But it's quite obvious, isn't it?"

"I guess."

"So... Are you still mad at him?"

Lily shrugged and felt very uncomfortable.

"I don't know. Is he still mad at me? Why do you ask me so much, he's your friend."

"Sorry", Remus apologised, "I just thought I'd... Never mind."

They walked the rest of the way in silence. As they reached the last corner of their path Lily's heart froze.

"Well... Goodnight then", said Remus and left her alone with James.

Lily looked down at the floor and threw a shy glance at James. She wasn't quite sure of what to say? She tried to read James' face to see if they were still mad at each other. Could they pretend like nothing had happened? No.

"Are you coming or what?" James snapped.

They walked down three whole corridors together before anyone said anything else. Halfway through the fourth corridor Lily couldn't do it anymore. She was bursting to say something.

"Seriously James", she began, a lot angrier than she had planned. He didn't respond in any way. "For how long are you going to to this?"

"Do what?" James stopped dead and glared at Lily. Lily stopped too and crossed her arms across her chest.

"Oh, come on! You're overreacting", her voice echoed back and forth between the stone walls. She'd never thought that she would find herself in this situation. Alone in the castle with James in the middle of the night, yelling at him. "OK", she continued, "I'm _sorry, _I didn't mean what I said."

"Yes you did", muttered James.

"Well, you said some pretty mean things as well", Lily defended herself, she had lowered her voice now. James turned towards the window. "The truth is", said Lily, "I never know what to do with you. You're like two different persons and when you keep asking me out and keep pushing me like that it just makes me doubt you even more. And think about it. How will you know that I'm going out with you because I like you or because you're making me?" She said and sighed.

"I know", murmured James. He turned back to face Lily. "I can't help it. It's just that... You know I'm a much better person when we're alone. Remember that valentine's day?"

"Yes."

James shrugged.

"And I'm much better when I'm with just my friends. But then when I'm with both of you, I just don't know what to do. And it's killing me!"

Lily was quiet, she had never heard James talk like this.

"It's like I just turn into this other annoying person and I don't want to. I don't know what to do, Lily! I'm not like that and I really, _really _like you. I just keep screwing up all the time and I'm sorry!"

Lily just looked at him. James, James, James you're just full of surprises aren't you, she thought. She had never seen him this vulnerable. Lily could either take this opportunity to get back on him for everything he had ever done, for every little annoying, humiliating, infuriating minute he had ever caused her. But that would be mean, wouldn't it?

James looked at her with hazel puppy-dog-eyes waiting for her to break the agonising silence and she felt sorry for him.

"Oh, James", she sighed, took a step forward and wrapped her arms around him. James made a weird sort of squeaky sigh and hugged her back a warm, hard hug. Lily rested her cheek on his shoulder. He smelled so good...

**A/N: Chapter 4! Review people, come on!^^**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 Severus

Lily woke up feeling very determined. She had spent all night thinking and pondering about her seventh year. She had become Head Girl, her grades were just as good as she wanted them to be, her revision-schedule was working exceptionally good - even Remus had started using it - and she was friends with James. After that night in the corridors she had started looking at him differently, or maybe he actually was different now, it didn't matter anyway. There was just this one thing still nagging inside her. Severus.

How could she leave school without even trying to talk to him? He had, after all, been her best friend once and that had to count for something, right? What if they never saw each other again, ever? She had to take the chance while she had it and make up with Severus once and for all. This didn't mean that she wanted to best friends with him again, though. She just couldn't carry around on this guilt for the rest of her life.

So she was determined. Determined to find Severus as soon as possible and have a talk with him. She took a deep breath before opening her eyes and getting out of bed. No one else was up yet. Lily ate breakfast in a hurry. Her eyes swept across the Great Hall. When she caught sight of his greasy black hair she stood up and followed him out on the grounds. He was walking down towards the Black Lake. Lily had to quicken her steps.

Severus Snape was the one who brought magic into her life, Lily had always thought of it like that. He was the first person to tell her that she was a witch. That strange little boy in the playground with his mother's blouse and father's coat. He told her about Hogwarts.

They were the best of friends. Severus meant the world to Lily. But then after a couple of years he started acting weird... He changed. Lily eventually got the feeling that he wanted more than just a friendship. They started to drift apart. Severus started digging deeper into the arts of dark magic and Lily started seeing him with new eyes. They grew out of each other.

But it wasn't until that day in their fifth year that evereything just crashed and their friendship fell apart, maybe forever.

Lily's heart started beating faster as she came closer to Severus. He had stopped walking now. She was almost there. He cast a glance at her. His face was dull and his hair was hanging like curtains around it. His black eyes pierced her for just a second, then he looked away again.

Lily could still see that day so clearly in her mind...

James and his friends were giving Severus a hard time, being jerks as usual. Lily didn't pay them too much attention, James kept looking at her. Suddenly Severus was lying on the ground with bubbles coming out of his mouth.

Lily frowned. She felt that she had to step in before anyone got seriously hurt. She snapped at James and he responded by asking her out, that wasn't exactly new. Then there was some more jinxing involved. James was bleeding from his face and Severus was dangling upside-down in the air. When Lily finally managed to make James let him down again, he said something like:

"You're lucky Evans was here". That one comment did it for Severus and he growled:

"I don't need help from a dirty little mudblood like her."

Lily was startled. She hadn't felt so hurt and betrayed before in her whole life.

"Fine", she said through clenched teeth, "I won't help you again." And that was the last time she spoke to Severus ever. Until now. She couldn't let it end this way.

Lily had almost reached Severus now. Her palms started to sweat. What if he refused to talk to her? She was just a few steps away when he turned around and looked her straight in the eye. His face as gloomy as ever. He never seemed to smile anymore. He was slightly taller than Lily remembered, or maybe she was just closer than usual. His hair was longer and greasier.

"Severus..." said Lily and stopped in front of him. She wasn't sure of how to start.

"Evans", said Severus. She felt a pinch in her heart when he used her surname. When had he ever done that?

"Since when do you call me Evans?" she asked. She could hear her voice shaking a little, it wasn't as strong as she had wanted it to be. Severus kept staring into her eyes and she didn't dare to look away. He scowled.

"Since when do you go out with Potter?" He spat the name like it was the most hated thing in the world. His black eyes burned with anger.

Lily had almost forgotten how much they used to despise James together and mutter curses every time they saw him. It had been like a game, _who can hate Potter the most_? But this was different. Severus looked ready to kill. Lily took a small, unintentional step back.

"I - I'm not", she stuttered. "I'm not going out with him."

"Are you sure?" asked Severus and raised an eyebrow. His mean tone hurt Lily.

"Of course!" she said. "But he's different now, you know", she couldn't stop herself from saying it.

Severus crossed his arms over his chest.

"_Really_?" he was almost mocking her.

"He's matured", said Lily quickly. She couldn't believe that she was actually defending James in front of Severus. "He is a good person, deep inside. I promise."

"Don't let him fool you!" Severus cut her off. "Just admit it, you're in love with him!"

"We're just friends!" They had both raised their voices. Lily felt tears burning behind her eyes. This wasn't what she had wanted. This conversation wasn't supposed to be about James. It was all wrong!

Severus snorted.

"I think Potter is out for a little more than just friendship", he hissed.

_And you weren't? _Lily wanted to say, but she didn't.

"Maybe", she mumbled instead. "But that's all he's getting." She sighed. "That's not why I came to you anyway. I miss you Severus."

Something flashed across Severus's furious face. Uncertainty?

"Can't we be friends again?" Lily continued and hoped that Severus wouldn't snap at her again. "Like old times. Please, Severus, I don't want to lose you forever."

"I think it's a little too late for that", muttered Severus, his voice had gone from full of anger to completely empty. He turned his eyes towards the ground.

"Please", begged Lily, "I'll do anything." She could have bitten her tongue for that.

"Ditch Potter", said Severus at once.

"I don't think I can do that", she sighed.

"Then sorry", said Severus. Lily blinked away her tears.

"Sev..." her voice died away and she swallowed hard.

"What have they done to you, Lily?" said Severus and shook his head slowly. "Can't you see that he's just an arrogant prick who gets everything he wants?"

"I don't need you to like James", whispered Lily. Tears started to run down her cheeks.

"_James_?" Severus was angry again. "You call him James now? You've changed Lily."

Severus rounded her and walked off towards the castle. Lily tried calling after him, but she choked on her tears. She was sobbing. She felt as if someone was tearing her insides apart. Lily stumbled towards the castle. It was hard to see through the tears.

"What did he do to you?" James came up to Lily and tried putting his arm around her. She shook him off.

"No, don't", she said and quickened her steps.

"What happened?" asked James.

"Go away!" Lily sobbed. James was the last person she wanted to talk to right now. This was all his fault. This wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for him.

"Lily..." He touched her again.

"Leave me _alone_!" Lily yelled. He was startled and came to a halt. Lily ran up the stairs to her dorm. She was soon joined by Susan. Lily was lying on her bed with her face in the pillow, but she looked up when she heard the door open.

"Where have you been?" asked Susan. She sat down carefully on the edge of the bed. "You've been gone all morning."

"I woke up early", mumbled Lily in a hoarse voice. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve.

"James told me to go and find you", said Susan after a short silence. "He said that you were very upset about something", she waited for Lily to say something but Lily didn't so Susan added, "You were talking to Snape?"

Lily told Susan the whole story. It felt even worse when you said it out loud. But Susan, the good friend that she was, knew exactly what to say to make Lily feel better.

"Screw him", she mumbled when Lily fell silent, "It's his loss. Anyone in their right mind can see that you are a great person and wonderful friend. If he wants to throw that away because of James he's not worth crying over."

Lily gave a weak smile.

"You're right", she said in a whisper.

"You bet I am", said Susan and smiled back. They hugged each other.

When Lily and Susan met up with James and his friends for dinner that day, James was a little hesitant to come near Lily again. Maybe he was afraid that she was going to snap again. He seemed to be moving very slowly. Lily felt like a ticking bomb that could explode at any second.

"Feeling better?" asked James carefully when they sat down by the Gryffindor table. Lily nodded.

"I'm fine", she said. James was relieved.

"Female problems", whispered Sirius to James, just loud enough for everyone to hear. "We'll never understand them."

"So true", said Remus.

Lily and Susan exchanged a smile. Susan was right, Lily didn't need Severus anymore.

_**A/N: I know this took a while, I've had a lot on my mind. I hope you like it and don't forget to leave a review!^^**_


End file.
